1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table
was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but
it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra
class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a
little behind in his orders
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll
still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited
for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result
in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The
police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then
it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a
hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse
said, 'No change yet.'
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a
small medium at large.
20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is
now a seasoned veteran.
21. A backward poet writes inverse.
22. In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In
feudalism it's your count that votes.
23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of
religion.
24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
